The last year has been insane and too crazy for even me to handle. David has moved to Texas and I am going to college for a degree in Mass Communications (what else?) and we are really trying hard not to be losers. I know you don’t want a bunch of excuses, you want dry sarcastic commentary on current events. So we’ll do that. Soon. I promise. So hang in there. We promise your wait will not be in vain.

In other news–I joined the writing staff on another blog, (this one purely on religious topics–BOOM!) and David opened up his own website in a scheme to get famous without my parasitic leechiness. Links to these will soon be posted.

We truly do want to make this thing worth reading, so if you can cut us a bit of slack, we’ll make up for it in spades.

Thanks!

He’s autistic. Special needs. Mental capacity of a third grader. He’s been charged with a felony (a terror threat, specifically) and suspended after drawing a picture of him–well, a stick figure, actually–holding a gun pointed at his teacher–or a stick figure labeled with the teacher’s name. Way to go, public school system!

Or this girl named Rachel Greer [LOOK THESE THINGS UP FOR YOURSELF] who was suspended for touching a dose of Adderall (an ADHD drug)–when she was simply refusing it when it was offered to her!

Well, technically she was “in possession” of it. Oooooooookay then.

LAWLZ! You crazy guys!

The people who run these institutions ought to be “institutionalized” themselves–in asylums.

My name is Deadpool. And today I’m using my right to free speech and press by saying:

THAT’S RETARDED U GUYS, KTHXBAI!

It’s not me being paranoid, it’s just true. Because people in power are afraid of you. They don’t want you to be free because they like ruling.

And they’re on Facebook. Yeah, Facebook.

Facebook is full of drama and pain and love and heartbreak and etceteras. Blah blah blah.

NOW IT’S ALSO FULL OF SPIES!!! YAY!!!

But see, that’s not exactly the problem. The PROBLEM is that they’re using FAKE PROFILES to do it. And it’s a bummer. Apparently they’re out there to “infiltrate” social networking sites and collect data on “Right-Wing Extremists and Terrorists“.

Libertarians and true Classic Liberals, basically–anyone whose not a socialist, because you and I both know the feds are self-serving LIARS–liars with power. And POWER CORRUPTS.

It’s bad enough to know I’m being watched. I hate knowing they’re against me, too. Every one of you ought to start thinking long and hard about how your country works–before it turns bad on you. Because to me this sounds quite similar to (identical to…?) the tactics of “secret police” systems from every communist, fascist or militaristic dictatorial state in history.

Wow. Just… wow.

I’m Deadpool–NOT the comic book character–and that’s what I think.

Like that proverbial frog that has been set in a pot of water, only to have the heat turned up slowly without it noticing; we have lost our freedom.

Everything aspect of our life is now regulated, controlled, and scrutinized. Every endeavor now has to be licensed, approved, and inspected. “It’s all for your safety” we are told by old people with bad hair. “We do it because we care”. And so we are deceived (though perhaps deception is too strong a word); we are propagandized into further legitimizing those who have no interest in finding real work.

Government’s all-reaching arms of protection have lulled us into such a deep complacency that even when we are briefly woken out of our peaceful oblivion by painfully obvious problems, we only turn back to government to fix them. The past mortgage crisis is a prime example of this. When Fannie Mae, a government created entity fails do to government rules, the cry is for more government, more regulation, and the nationalization of the banks.

When public schools begin to fail, we give them more money, create more government, discourage competition from better performing competitors, and add Head-Start. When our government run cities fail because of fleeing business, we allow great taxation, government run stadiums and convention centers; entertainment sanctioned by Uncle Sam. Perhaps if we watch enough football we won’t notice the man behind the curtain, pulling the levers, calling the shots.

We can blame government, we can blame our elected officials, but the painful truth is that we elected them. We permitted it. We are so desiring of peace, protection, and safety that we traded our entire lives for them.

What is the harm? What problem is there with allowing ourselves to be cared for, watched over, and guarded. Our masters only have our best interests at heart (for the most part) right? What naivety.

With every grant of power, we lose freedom.

We have allowed that our masters regulate what we can consume (the FDA for example). I am no longer permitted to access certain substances. We have people suffering from pain without access so the painkillers they need. Cancer victims dying because treatments are not yet approved. And now there are those who plan on telling us what kinds of fried foods we can have, how much sugar in are drinks.

We have allowed that these same people look after our health. I have seen free clinics shut down because our wise masters have dictated that it was in our best interest. Now it seems that we are so blind that we have allowed government to levy taxes and increase the cost of healthcare goods in the name of reducing their cost.

We have even given up our freedom of speech. How much longer will it be until those people that we have allowed to regulate what can be said (the FCC for example) decide what we say is offensive. It has already happened in other nations that supposedly protect the freedom of expression. In Canada, for example, a pastor citing the Bible on homosexuality is said to be promoting hate speech. Legal action can, and has been taken. Australia is currently banning whole lists of video games and websites that it feels are offensive. Some of these websites have nothing to do with pornography or violence, but are simply forums where anything can be said.

Even the mundane, like the technical specifications of your toilet, is now governed. Thanks to our protective overlords, plumbers can now be fined for $2500 for installing an “illegal toilet”.

It is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? [...] For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth — to know the worst and to provide for it. I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. [...] I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death! -Patrick Henry, 1775

Their three basic mantras are Fiscal Responsibility, Constitutionally Limited Government, and Free Markets. Sounds like cool stuff! But what does that mean to me as I’m mall-wandering or sitting in my dorm eating chips and watching reruns of Family Guy?

Normal people’s explanations in three… two…

Fiscal Responsibility: means the government should be responsible with their money or else they have to tax us more to make up for their mistakes. Brilliant so far. Let’s move on.

Constitutionally Limited Government: is one of my favorite ideas—I hate unnecessary laws and I believe in the application of as little law as is necessary in any given situation. They believe in states’ rights. So do I. They say the Constitution is the supreme law of the land, like any intelligent person. Who wants the big bad government hounding you to let it in or it’ll blow down your life? Not me. Governments are meant to prevent chaos, not to control people. But I digress…

Free Markets: are movements of commerce that are not dabbled in or mucked about with by the government. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. A person ought to be able to work, earn, and spend according to his own morals and intelligence. If he creates a monopoly, it’s as much your fault as his that he owns the world. It’s survival of the fittest, in finances. And it’s the right of every human to have access to that.

Sound pretty nice, huh? Not bad.

I have some problems here, though. Firstly this: when their mission statement told me they believe that the founding fathers’ original intent in writing the Constitution can be determined, I got just a little bit leery… When someone tells you they can interpret the intentions of someone who died two hundred years ago, despite social, educational, linguistic and contextual incongruities—this means differences, kids—you know that person has a bit of an overconfidence issue. Another thing I don’t get is, if you go to one of their meetings or protests, you’re likely to find they’re %100 conservative republicans. Why, then, do they claim to be non-partisan? This makes no sense to me.

Surprise trivia question! What the heck was the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, and what did it do? Only about a third of you know. That mouthful of political jargon and euphemism could be said as: the stimulus package of 2009.

“The government sent us a check in the mail, yay!”

What they don’t tell you is that massive piece of government brain-fart cost the United States a further $787 BILLION dollars. But as far as your taxes… they got cut. If you do the math and look at your tax return, then compare it with previous years, chances are good that you won’t be as angry and shocked as the Tea Partyers say you’ll be.

Why did I tell you this? You need to know the flipside. Most of the people in the Tea Party movement don’t know this stuff before they jumped on the bandwagon because they A) love Sarah Palin to death, B) were angry about how much taxes are costing them or C) were hyper-conservative Republicans anyway. The Tea Parties are really more unfocused anger than anything else, and I’m convinced most of the people involved are assuming a lot in their supposed knowledge of the weight of federal taxation… Now, I’m all for smaller government, more responsibility therein, and freedom of commerce. Heck, I’d even REALLY like my taxes to be lower. Like a lot lower. But the Tea Parties aren’t the way to get it done. I think all that energy should be directed at rebuilding a responsible nation and voting responsible people into office. Activism is great as long as people actually know what they’re talking about and are making visible movement toward a feasible goal but blind revolutions leave a lot to be desired. A nation’s power is only as good as its people, and the system will never change unless the people do.

Know what that means? Pick a legitimate party and vote your beliefs whenever you get the chance. Save tea parties for little girls and their dolls and teddy bears.

I’m a guy who thinks this and this is what I think.

“We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.”

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly….)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

I just want to dispel some tension and blaming here, where the Liberal wolves of this society have already jumped in to take advantage of the situation.

What YOU need to do: First off, I’ve read this guys final statement from his website… You should all read it for yourselves. Then see if you can legitimately attack any party or group for his actions. This man wasn’t a “teabagger”, a Liberal, an anarchist or anything else except suicidally angry, myopically narrow-minded, and stupid.

What this terrorist was NOT: The terrorist was not a Conservative, not a Republican, not connected to the tea parties. He hated Reagan, hated Bush.

Here’s the facts: He tried to kill his family and flew his half a million dollar plane into a building full of innocent people because he got screwed after cheating on his taxes. He killed American people. He’s no true patriot’s hero. He burned down his own home.  His wife is ashamed. He killed a Veitnam veteran.

What I have to say to him, wherever he is: Nice work, Joseph Stack. You shamed your country, you shamed your own name, and spat in the face of everything that gave you your life and liberty.

On top of everything else, your supposed “sacrifice” was so worthless and anti-climactic you only claimed one life, you pathetic, ignorant, whining, lower-than-dirt mollusk.  The only thing you did to the government you hated so much was to succeed in being a pain in the neck. You are a rash. You are a temporary stain. You are insignificant.

That felt good: Now then. Let me re-iterate: this terrorist is no true patriot–not even an American, not of any decent order of American, anyway. He is NOT the “first salvo of the tea party revolution”, he is not an example of an “angry Liberal hypocrite”, he is not classy enough to be an anarchist. He was, plainly and simply, stupid. Let’s find real issues to argue about, not dead stupid guys. Okay?

I’m Deadpool, (not the superhero), and that’s what I think.

God Bless America, and all that.

But Now We're Being INVADED!

If you cross the North Korean border illegally…

You get 12 years hard labor.

If you cross the Iranian border illegally…

You are detained indefinitely.

If you cross the Afghan border illegally…

You get shot.

If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally…

You will be jailed.

If you cross the Chinese border illegally…

You may never be heard from again.

If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally…

You will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.

If you cross the Cuban border illegally…

You will be thrown into political prison to rot.

If you cross the U.S. border illegally…

You get a  job, a drivers license, social security card, welfare, food stamps, credit cards, subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house, free education, free health care, a lobbyist in Washington, billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language, and, the right to carry your country’s flag while you protest that you don’t get enough respect!!!

I just wanted to make sure that we all had a firm grasp on the situation…

BY THE WAY, YOU CAN NOW BECOME A FAN ON FACEBOOK AND CHECK FOR NEW ARTICLES THE FAST AND EASY WAY!

Love and respect to the TRUE American people–

Deadpool

This Is What Happens When Darth Obama Becomes President!

Alright, everybody…

I hate to do a serious post, but I have to every once in a while. First off, we are on Facebook now! (In case you didn’t already know…) And I think what I’m going to do is open a discussion board for questions, but here’s the thing: I’m going to somewhat direct what goes on as far as topics. So for one week I’ll have a single topic, say, the Constitution–and all subsequent questions will have to be specific questions about that certain topic. I know it’s restrictive, but I’m learning right alongside everyone, so that has to be OK for a while.

Secondly: there is no Q&A. I know you’re DEVASTATED but life will go on. We just didn’t get any questions. That simple.

Thirdly, I just want to encourage everybody to please READ READ READ your politics and news… know your stuff and don’t argue blindly. So many conservatives these days have their heads so far up their own butts they could perform self-colonoscopy. We need to prove that they don’t represent us. We need to be EDUCATING ourselves if we want to make a difference in the minds of the people we interact with and, more importantly, make good decisions when voting. Be culture-conscious and please, for the love of God DON’T BUY CHINESE.

I’m reading the Constitution again this week. You should too.

I think that’s everything, so just check facebook for updates and keep being awesome.

I’m Deadpool (the commentator, not the mercenary) and this is an approved message.

“So you believe abortion is a justifiably moral choice.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why in the world?”

“People who don’t are intellectually defunct.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“It should be a woman’s choice what to do with her own body!”

“Yeah, like the choice to have protected sex. Since we all know birth-control and condoms are just as expensive and emotionally taxing as getting an abortion. I mean, what a chore!”

“Pat Robertson is pro-life, and he’s a moron!”

“You’re pro-choice, and so are you, so that makes no difference. Can you please answer my question?”

Uninformed opinions may just be the most dangerous epidemic in America. The liberal and conservative alike will stand firm on ground that simply isn’t there–kind of like trying to levitate by meditating on politics. (If this actually works for anyone, let me know.)

NOTE:

Q=a question you might be asking
A=the absolute truth/whatever sounds right according to me

Q: Why in the world would they do that, O Mighty Deadpool the Propagandizinator To Whom We Bow?

A: Well, kids, dum-dums who haven’t read a single iota of information will blindly accept whatever FEELS like the right thing. (That’s called moral relativism, and you will need that on your next philosophy test.)

Yet when someone makes an informed statement that threatens the belief currently in vogue, the uninformed will fight tooth and nail to defend their ideals. They will often completely abandon common sense, resort to kick-in-the-balls insults, or revert to an especially ridiculous position of answering exclusively and, more often than not, cryptically from a religious text–like the Koran, the Bible, or whatever that book is that Al wrote about global warming.

Q: So what do you do when you’re faced with an opponent like this?

A: Run fast, run far, don’t stop to look back.

That kind of blind moron will only drag down and make a similar fool of the truly inquisitive and truth-seeking thinker. In the book of Proverbs it is stated that it is idiotic to answer an idiot on an idiot’s terms, because it will invariably make you look like an idiot. Or something like that. (Never mind that I just referenced a religious text. I will address that issue at a later time if and when I feel sufficiently sarcastic.)

Your time will be much better spent presenting your opinion to a freethinking and inquisitive mind—not a staunch conservative stuck in a rut of “traditional values” and rude glennbeckism or a stubborn liberal who is naively dead-set on obtaining a luscious green hippie-haven of Obamatopia. Or Pelositopia. Or Hope-topia. Whatever.

Even as a seeker of the truth and as a rejector of both of this nation’s major parties, I find that I myself can be ruthlessly dogged in holding onto fallacious assumptions.

This post represents my commitment to knock it off.

It is vitally important to educate oneself about the world around us, the politics of our country, the rules of grammar that say I should have put “ourselves” where I just wrote “oneself”, and the ethics that dictate the conventions of our lives and blog posts. Otherwise, our attempts to stand for something that matters will be discarded with the other “hopeless idealists”, causeless martyrs, illiterate grammar-butchers and politically inept bourgeoisie into the Cosmic Intellectual Trashbin of Disregard.

And even though I think I just made it up, that’s a very bad place to be.

I’m a thinking American, and though I kind of sabotaged the effectiveness of my habitual closing already, that’s what I think.